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Ultimate Spider-Man
#13 - Me Time
Original Airdate - July 1st, 2012
Spider-Man insists on a much-needed day off from Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D., but before he can enjoy some rest and relaxation, Doctor Octopus seizes the opportunity to strike.

Ultimate Spider-Man stars Drake Bell (Drake & Josh) as Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Chi McBride (Boston Public) as Nick Fury, Clark Gregg (Iron Man, Thor, The Avengers) as Agent Coulson, JK Simmons (Spider-Man) as J. Jonah Jameson, Steven Weber (Wings) as Norman Osborn, Greg Cipes (Teen Titans, Ben 10) as Danny Rand/Iron Fist, Ogie Banks as Luke Cage/Power Man, Caitlyn Taylor Love (I'm In The Band) as Ava Ayala/White Tiger, Logan Miller (I'm In The Band) as Sam Alexander/Nova, Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants) as Doctor Octopus, Matt Lanter (Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Harry Osborn/Flash Thompson, Tara Strong (The Fairly Odd Parents) as Mary-Jane Watson, Misty Lee (Batman: Arkham City) as Aunt May, and recurring guest star Stan Lee (Spider-Man) as Stan the Janitor.

"Me Time" was written by Man of Action and Jacob Semahn and directed by Alex Soto.

Ultimate Spider-Man is produced by Marvel Animation and carries a TV-Y7-FV parental guideline.

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Okay, I have to say that this episode is by far among the worst I’ve seen.

First off, the plot itself can barely qualify as quality writing. Honestly, what’s the overall point? That it’s good to be spied on by Big Brother? Or that it’s better to be isolated and not watched on, thus exposed to danger? The entire premise is so terrible that it pains one to watch. Not to mention the idiotic exclamations by the teammates. “Of course I signed it, who wouldn’t sign it?” “If the man says sign it, you sign it.” So they want their privacy violated? They want high-tech cameras in every corner of the house? They, the insecure teenage kids, actually WANT this?

Seriously, Giorgio Tsoukalos writes better material and utters better statements. More fun ones, too.

Speaking of fun, there was none here. None. That’s the “second off” of this text. I usually just skip talking about cutaway gags and acknowledge them as bad, but these were so mind-twisting dreadful that I have to note them. The “comedy violation” shtick was about as fun as chain diarrhea. Each and every “rodeo” instance was an assault on the eyes and ears. And every time Spidey paused to make a pitiful not-funny joke, one gets the desire to punch the writer of said jokes in the face. Consequently, Man of Action wrote this along with some Jacob Semahn guy. So, five faces deserving a fist. Awesome.

Third off, and I’m cutting “second off” here short because I’ll feel physically ill if I write anything more about the jokes of this episode, is the introduction of Doc Ock in this Spidey’s world. Sure, his tentacles look decent, but his behavior does not fit the good Doctor whom I’ve come to know and respect. In fact, he even calls Spider-man a bug. Previous Ock didn’t do that, and I disliked the previous Ock severely. Also, there’s absolutely no reason behind his hastily thrown together evil plan. He wants to capture and dissect Spidey. Why and how, exactly? He’s about to get fired, Norman can pull the plug on his facility and damage it from afar (and it’s underwater, even!), his body is clearly weak and needs the suit for survival, and he still pushes all this aside and thrashes the very underwater lab he’s in (?!) to capture an irritating teenage kid? I’m sorry, but that’s just downright terrible writing.

Positive points? It ended, and the closing credits were fun to watch.